


Vain

by bearseokie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: All Rights Reserved, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Angst, Biting, Crying, Crying During Sex, Do Not Translate, Do not repost, Explicit Sexual Content, Fingering, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Intoxication, Loneliness, Marking, Monsta X Smut, Romance, Seduction, Smut, Teasing, mx smut, shownu smut, stripper! shownu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearseokie/pseuds/bearseokie
Summary: Feelings always overpower the circumstance, even if that means potential heartbreak. Constantly set aside by your best friend that you’ve been in love with for years, Hyunwoo’s emotions and consistent intimacy begins to give you mixed signals.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Reader
Kudos: 11





	1. [12:38 a.m]

**Author's Note:**

> repost from my tumblr @bearseokie! feedback is appreciated :)

The lids of his eyes eased over his dilated pupils, blinking slowly within the reduced light. The world turned for him in slow motion, defined muscles contracting under stray, manicured hands. He lived for this, the smiles all around with bodies grinding on one another sending adrenaline through his body.

You watched him in wonder, the neon lights flashing about in the building giving you a headache that would soon wear off from the drinks you sipped down. This was his place, the only setting he spoke of that he could be whoever he wanted to be just as long as cash was thrown at his feet throughout the night.

With the neon lights fading, black-lights took over, random parts of people’s bodies and clothing becoming fluorescent in the dark space. No one had to ask what time it was, the cheers and screams alone could tell anyone, even if they had just walked in.

The alcohol burned your throat, the cough you let out doing no assistance to the bitter drink. A microphone was wrapped tightly in his hand, his voice echoing throughout the club.

“I think things are going well tonight, don’t you?” he chimed, voice deep and rocky as he panted.

Sweat poured down his body, a sight you had seen more times than you could count at this point. It had everyone else drooling over the man, the straw of your drink sat on your tongue to chug some more. The thong around his waist left little to the imagination, his bulge prominent in the thin fabric. Bouncing across the stage, a bottle of water pressed against his lips as you watched him.

He could feel your eyes on him, he always could.

The plastic bottle crunched between his thick fingers, emptied, and tossed to the roadie off to the side of the stage before it was discarded. His lips found the microphone again, the roar of the crowd around the lining stage only growing.

“How about we invite some of you up here for some fun?”

Everyone was on their feet jumping, hands in the air like they knew the answer to a question, and were eager to let everyone else know. Three other dancers joined him on the slick stage, their index fingers swaying in the air in pursuit of their examination.

It always seemed like a fair game to those around, but in their world, it was a search for the golden ticket. Find someone attractive, sure. Find someone with a wad of cash on them, bingo. It was like a pack of wolves ravishing on a herd of deer. Horny deer that were willingly going to the wolves and had no idea they were soon going to be eaten.

Hyunwoo’s eyes diverted through the flock of people, finding your soft figure stationed by the bar with two empty glasses on the counter beside you. The corners of his lips curved into a smirk. Index and middle fingers raising into the air, the digits curled to motion you over, your playfully cocked eyebrow nearly making him pout.

The crowd separated as you walked through, taking his moisturized hand as he lifted you onto the stage effortlessly. All four contestants were placed on metal chairs, the uncomfortable seating never in anyone’s mind when the show was playing out right in front of them.

Music began to boom, a sensual aroma in the air created by the men before you. Hyunwoo’s eyes locked in on yours, his body towering over where you sat. The roadie had long gone with the mics in the men’s hands, the only thing now in their grasp those they offered the seats on stage. He strutted around the chair in tandem with the other dancers, the beat thick as he crouched down beside you. Index finger on your chin to lift your head to meet his gaze, it was part of the choreography to know that whoever was in the chair was now completely entranced by the dancer’s body. Your eyes met his, the warm, brown color radiating in your sight the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in Hyunwoo, his complete control over the situation envious.

The beat picked up, his legs on either side of you as he sat down in your lap, straddling you. A laugh passed your lips, his hot breath fanning your forehead, hips rocking to the beat. The friction was scarce, a little thrust ground into your crotch causing you to moan under him, the smirk still on his lips turning into a perfected grin. Your hands were placed awkwardly at your side, his hands gripping to press them into his abs, the muscles so taut under your touch that you had to remember to breathe.

The song was nearing its end, the beat slower to allow time for his hips to grind harder against you. Your bottoms were thicker than what he wore, but the obvious stimulation made you want to push against him. Arousal building in your gut, he released a stifled groan that could only be heard by your ears. The last few beats played, his body halting on your lap to duck his head towards your neck, a soft kiss placed in the crook before the session was done.

He stood in front of you, body clearly more affected than when the song started, eyeing you like a tall drink he needed so badly. His eyes glanced past you, another person in his view. You watched him bite his lip, brows raised in a silent question he almost always asked someone by the end of the night.

“You wanna do this?” the question was obvious, but the answer was never a wild card.

Attention turning back to you, his grin was now a genuine smile. Offering you his hand again to stand, the flat palm instinctively went to your lower back, lips nearing your ear. “I owe you one. See you at your place later?” he asked, cheeks rising with heat when he pulled away from you with a wink.

He didn’t wait for your response, releasing his hold on you to hop off of the stage towards his true victim, a heated kiss already locking their lips together. It wasn’t you that he was leaving with tonight.

If irony were a person, it would be your best friend: Hyunwoo.


	2. [4:42 a.m]

The key driving into the lock of your front door stirred you awake, the dark studio-apartment suddenly illuminated by the light from the hallway. Hyunwoo’s tall silhouette moved inside, his foot kicking against the wood as the door slammed back into its frame, a light hiss passing his lips.

“Sorry.” He whispered in your direction, teeth clenched as his bag dropped into the floor.

Your tired figure smaller than his rounded the bookshelf separating your bedroom from your living room, your eyes meeting his warm smile. Fingers clicking on the over-head light above your kitchen, the dark circles under his eyes were forming from exhaustion. His hands went rummaging through the pantry in search of quick food, boxes and bags rocking together. The strap of his tank top slipped down his shoulder, his skin hot against your fingertips when you moved to pull the fabric back up. His hum made your eyes divert from his toned body, eyes trying to make the granite counter-top seem more interesting. Mouth full of some crackers, he leaned on his elbows against the cold counter, sighing as he let his head fall.

“It’s not healthy to work as much as you do.” Your voice was soft, his cheeks rising and deep eyes peering up to notice the concern across your face.

“Are you my doctor, now?” his tone was mocking, playful, as always.

“No, but I am your best friend.” You smiled a toothless smile, his arms slinking around your waist.

His hold was always tight but light, the comfort of his chest like no other thing in the world. The strong muscles he worked out daily were less than pillows, boulders beneath his thin top, but him, nonetheless. One arm wrapped tightly around your back, hand cupped and pressed into the skin of your waist, his other dropping the last of the crackers back into the box, sliding it across the counter and out of sight. His palm embraced the side of your skull to hold you tighter to him, a sigh of relief swaying in his lungs before a puff of his breath blew over your head.

“And you’ll never understand just how grateful I am that you have that title.”

You could feel his smile transferring around the room. Hyunwoo’s energy could heal a dying plant, mend negative air even in a large room, and could possibly pull your heart out of your chest with one wide grin.

He was mainly bark, an occupation that took confidence and skill mocking up points most people could never achieve. The look in his eye could be read perfectly by anyone he made contact with, even for only a glimpse. He could stride over to any person in the world and win them over, if not by his sly smile and charming ways, then a single joke and sense of personality within the shell he wore when he worked.

But it was his bite that hurt the most. The contact he made with a person of interest could cater to his needs, skipping off with anyone that would give him cash on the spot to sleep with him. Naturally, you could tell the reoccurring emotions and actions were coming full circle, wearing him down over time. It was only human nature to crave affection, but even he knew he could never find that within a one-night stand, even multiple. Especially one that wore enough perfume to leave him reeking with their scent, the smell so pungent in your nose pressed against his chest that your eyes watered; from the strength of the scent and knowledge of him being in someone else’s arms just an hour before.

Your retreat from him did not go ignored, but his silent gaze caused you to falter. He was never cold towards you, advancing in the directions you always guided him in to manage an understanding. He always tried to understand.

“What’s wrong?” His voice sounded like two cherries pressed together, smooth texture balanced by their sweetness, always followed by the bitter aftertaste. “I didn’t sleep with her. She paid me to watch her get herself off. It was actually boring.”

Even the vaguest details of the exchange made you dizzy. His line of work was more than it cracked up to be when you had to remind him that he’s a person, not a doll. Your eyes scanned over the floor, having lost contact with his warm body moments before, you shuddered. His lips pressed into a thin line over you, arms turning you around and pushing you in the direction of your bed. One arm beneath your thighs and the other against the blades of your shoulders, he lifted you onto the mattress to pull the comforter over you. It was a regular situation, a chaste kiss melted against your temple before he strode back to the kitchen, the single light in the apartment now out.

You listened to a screeching echo a few feet away, loud drips of water splashing against the tiles of your shower. With the door cracked open, heat steamed out of the bathroom as he showered, fluorescent cleansers wavering in the air, washing himself and the night away.

The dark room pooled with a sudden emptiness in the pit of your stomach for minutes. It was his body pressing into the bed beside you that trapped the cold taking over, replacing it with radiating heat and the heavy patter of his heartbeat in your ears.

This was his place to rest. The only place he found the most security, an ease overtaking whatever he dealt with during his work shift.

It was also where his scent replenished, the natural musk of his body much more alluring than whatever cologne he had rubbed in crevasses meant to please others. A mix between firewood and pine didn’t suffice the aroma his skin gave off. He laid on his back, your head resting against his shoulder inhaling the fresh scents as though he was a candle.

“Did I do something?” his tone serious but voice mellow, your hesitation to respond only leering him forward. Your light hum was the sound he recognized as confusion. “When I hugged you.”

“You smelled like that woman from earlier. Her perfume was a little much.”

“It’s not that, is it?” even in the dark you could feel his eyes on your face, the smallest of light from the large window a little ways to the side enough to let him see your lips twist in contemplation.

“Do you feel the same?” you began, feeling for his hand laying flat against his abs to lace your fingers with his. Voice just above a whisper, he was straining to listen. “When you hold them versus when you hold me? Do you get butterflies as I do?”

“Of course, I do.”

Your hold on his hand loosened, turning to lie on your back and stare up at the dark ceiling. You felt him shift on the mattress, topless body now glistening. Head resting in the palm of his hand, his elbow pierced against the bed, muscles tense with a confused expression on his face that you couldn’t see.

“What?” he whispered, the scent of toothpaste blowing against your face.

“Are you happy?” your eyes could clearly make out his lustrous irises, little observation necessary to find the dark pools that held so much empathy.

His weight shifted, skin against your skin. A sudden sensation rushed through your body, his suave lips capturing the space between yours. Fit between yours like they were meant to be there, the rush of your heartbeat made him chuckle. The world slowed for both of you now, his hand compressing your pillow to hold his upper body above you. Taking in his scent again, he pulled away, eyes attached to yours with a genuine appeal.

“Right here, I am.”


	3. [5:39 a.m]

His eyes appeared golden in the light from the window due to him being so close, head tilted to guide you into another kiss. He felt weightless above you, muscles clenched as he moved overhead, hand pressed against the headboard to steady himself. His back arched, body compressing into yours as you let out a breath deep from within your lungs, the pit of your stomach twisting from the erotic state of him over you.

His tongue ran along your bottom lip, the muscle gently slipping into your mouth and finding your own to let them dance together. He positioned himself between your legs, the friction from his crotch catching yours pulling a moan from you, sucking at his tongue. He groaned when your lips held onto the wet muscle. The running his tongue along yours was sensational, the taste pleasing you both.

Pupils dilated when he sat up to catch his breath again, your hands ran along the ridges on his sides. His body was well worked out from the exercise he did every day, mainly set to please everyone in the room of the club instead of himself. Your index finger carved out the abs on his torso, his smirk at your touch making him dive back down and kiss you again. His hips rutted against yours gently, the friction recurring as you brushed up into his force. The movement was a signal that you wanted him, a giddy feeling of more than butterflies fluttering in your stomach when he returned the action with a full thrust at your abdomen.

You whined against his lips, his hand slipping down your body and into your shorts as he slowed the kiss. His fingers played with you for a moment, learning the patterns of your arousal before a single digit slipped into you. You gasped against his mouth, the attachment muffling your loud grunt. Hips swaying into his hand, he sat up on his knees, pulling from the kiss to guide you. His free hand pressed your hips down into the mattress, setting his own pace as the finger glided into you swiftly.

Your head fell back against the pillow, swallowing your cries of pleasure to not be too noisy. His eyebrow cocked, another finger added into you to break your silence.

You moaned out his name in a high pitched, broken tone, biting at your tongue as he wore a sly expression. Placing a kiss to your cheek as other finger pushed in and continued the same pace, you were practically euphoric from his fingers alone.

He already had you on edge, nearing your orgasm from his long fingers, but the penetration was still not enough to push you over. You blinked up at the ceiling, attempting to not think about how your best friend was pumping his digits into you like it was his only task for the night. A cold breeze swept over your lower body for a moment, your shorts and underwear slipped off, his focused form vanishing beneath the covers. You looked down confused, his wet tongue flattening against you making you arch your back into the mattress and scream his name.

You could feel his expression against you, tongue lapping in tandem with his fingers pumping enough to have you shaking out your orgasm, arousal rushing onto his tongue as he licked you clean. His face gazed at yours when you moved the covers over his head, his happy grin with the blankets still held on his shoulders making you laugh.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Too far?” he cackled, your hand pressing on his shoulder with a laugh.

Eyes pleading for another kiss, instead he pushed his face into the crook of your neck to line kisses and bites in your skin. His lips were warm, tongue poking out to taste the saltiness as he went. Once his mouth found your collarbones, his teeth nibbled marks against the prominent bones, purple bruises forming followed by tender kisses to soothe the slight ache.

Your eyes fell closed at the compassionate exchange, the kisses trailing upward to your jawline. Layered with love bites, your large shirt was lifted from your body and discarded somewhere in the room. His chest pressed into yours again, the skin-on-skin contact something you would beg to have forever. His eyes lit like fire, your thighs on either side of his waist gained bare friction against his hard length within the thin boxers he wore.

The contact was new. Neither of you had ever kissed one another, let alone had sex. It was a barrier you never thought you’d cross, but when his eyes looked into yours for permission, you couldn’t hold back your feelings anymore. He slid his underwear down his thighs and pushed into you with ease, your wetness from his tongue still lingering as he took his time thrusting inside. Your eyes shut tight from his cock, his hand holding your cheek to make you look at him, tears brimming their ducts. He wanted to know that you were okay, the tilt of your head to press a kiss into his shoulder the answer he lingered for to continue.

He pulled from you slowly, easing back into you as your body adjusted to him. Another pump broke what title you and Hyunwoo had, his hips swaying faster and your whines of his name echoing in your apartment so loudly that you thought you might get a complaint. He slowed his pace, head leaning in to take your lips with a passionate kiss. His hand ran along the side of your thigh, legs laced around his waist to hold him closer. Your hips began to lift off the mattress to meet his, the devoted feeling of him kissing you and fucking you at the same time overwhelming your senses. The tears broke from your eyes, slipping down your cheeks as his hips sped up.

His pants were louder than your moans, grounding his hips to push himself into you deeper as you sobbed below him. You knew he felt the hot tears cascading down your face the moment he pulled from you. The pad of his thumb rubbed them into your skin as his palm rested against your cheek. Your hands felt at the muscles in his back to calm you, his heavy breaths mixing with yours. His hips collided with yours for the last time, holding still as you shivered under him, orgasm hitting you like a train. He pulled out, hand pumping his length as his seed spilled onto your abdomen, his hisses and groans making your body clench around nothing from post-orgasm. He sighed, cupping your cheek again before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Why are you crying?” he asked, the tone of his voice sincere and worried.

“I-I love you.” You stuttered out, his eyes growing wide as he fell onto his back.

Both of you laid there without a word, sight fixed on the ceiling as you grasped at your bearings. It felt like an eternity before he lifted himself from the mattress, returning with a wet cloth to clean you up. Your tears descended back into your eyes, blinking them rapidly with the fear that what you said may have turned a knob in him that he didn’t want turned.

You were scared, shaking and anxious when he slipped back into the sheets. Pulling your body onto his chest, his arm bent under his head as he sighed, pressing another kiss to the crown of your skull. You hugged his chest, feeling the hickeys he left on your neck start to sting as your eyes shut and you began drifting off to sleep.

“I love you, too. I don’t know what to do.”


	4. [12:27 a.m]

Fists clenched in the air and hips swaying to the beat while grinding on nothing, Hyunwoo’s head tilted to see you slipping past a crowd of people, taking your normal seat at the bar. Leather stool under you, you watched him attentively, brown eyes a light gold from the yellow lights. Lined with the other dancers, the performance had just begun, his full attention on you across the club instead of anyone else in the room.

His lips parted, tongue swiping over his top lip as his pearly teeth shined under the LED lights. Your sight was blurred, astonished at how fast a group of people managed to gain at his side of the stage, and yet his gaze only stayed matched with yours. Hips moving rhythmically, the club seemed to grow darker around you and his rapturous form. You felt as though you were the only two in the room, a sensation your subconscious tried to convince yourself was natural in the realm of all things sensual and erotic, but the way his hand glided down his sides matched how your fingers did just the morning before felt too personal. He had you captivated, ignoring the drink placed on the bar beside you with his body fully in your view.

This was his game, and he always won.

The bright lights dimmed until all you could make out were shadows, the stage turning vacant and awaiting the next performance. Hyunwoo slipped into the door of the stage, vanishing from your sight as you rocked aimlessly on the stool. There were a matter of minutes before he would arrive back on the stage for another jaw-dropping exchange of sensuality, something your body wanted to witness over and over, but your heart couldn’t take it. Your feet slid onto the hard flooring to carry you towards the dressing rooms. You found yourself pushing the curtains to the sides as you slipped into the dancer’s lounge, every inch of your body shivering.

“You’re not meant to be back here.” he whistled your way, fingers curling up to gesture you over to him before you were seen and escorted out by security. “Even though you’re you-,” he grinned, patting your head with a kiss placed gently on your forehead. “-i’ll still get in trouble.”

“You left earlier than usual, even before I woke up.” softly, your voice carried up to his ears.

“I had an early practice for a new routine.” a toothless smile took over his face, running his fingers through the strings of his next outfit before pressing a towel to his sweaty neck. “I didn’t want to wake you. You were sleeping like a rock.”

“You could have said goodbye.”

His sigh made your brows furrow, looking at you from the side before adjusting his torso to lean against the cool wall of the old building.

“I only say goodbye to people I know I’ll never see again.”

“Oh and what, you’re going to show up at my apartment later on to have sex with me again? If you didn’t already do that by the time you clock out of here?” The shift of tone in your voice grew painful, a look in his eyes like he wanted to argue but was biting his tongue.

“You know that’s not the case at all.”

“Then w-why did you tell me you love me?” you stuttered, weak at the knees by his brown eyes glowing, exasperated and empathetic at the same time.

He could tell where you were coming from.

“Because of course I love you.”

“Then why would you leave without saying anything to me?” you growled.

“I’m scared!” he claimed, voice rising loud enough for the other dancers in the back room to take notice of the argument. “Don’t you get that?”

A hiss sounded under his breath, hand gently taking your forearm to guide you out the back door of the building. Rain pattered onto the small cover above, puddles splashing upwards as your body shivered more from the change of temperature.

“This lifestyle isn’t meant to have a significant other, and if it is, they can only be in the shadows. That’s no way to treat a person. To treat you.” his voice fell, the loud rain all around muffling the crack in his words. He was trying to hold himself together, but the pain behind his eyes was too evident for you to ignore. “That’s why this will never work. I can’t have you be treated like that. You’re not a toy I can just play with when I want to feel loved.”

“And you’re not a toy someone else can just play with when they want to fuck!” you cried out at him, fingers curving into fists at your sides in anger. “Don’t you understand how messed up you sound right now? You’re putting your line of work in front of your heart, and in front of your best friend. And you’re just allowing yourself to dig a deeper hole!”

His face fell, eyes pricking with tears at your words of concern. He had underestimated how much you paid attention, how much you truly cared.

“You can’t run around in life forever thinking you’re past the need for love, that you don’t deserve it. You do! You deserve every second of it because you’re a good person. A guy that wears his heart on his sleeve and is willing to give his time of day to anyone that needs a shoulder, even if they are looking to him for the wrong reasons. I’m tired of watching you be that person! You deserve a shoulder to lean on, too! My shoulder-”

Your words were shut off by his tender lips, hands trapping your face in his hold as you slowly molded together. All of the emotions he ignored, pushed down into the pit of his stomach and tried to forget, erupted in the way his lips drifted with yours. Passionate, delicate but sultry, you were both in a space of understanding, nearly peace.

His lips pulled from yours first, eyes matched with a fiery light you couldn’t put your finger on, but one you had noticed it before. The night at the club when he was performing in front of you, but left you stranded to escape with another.

“Leave now while the rain is letting up.” his eyes were filled with tears, the hot liquid streaming down his face with a simple blink. He veered from you completely, turning his back on you as the door shut into its frame.


	5. [2:00 a.m]

Footsteps heavy in the hallway, you were sitting up on your mattress staring out the window when you first heard him walk by. A habit he gathered over time, Hyunwoo paced by your apartment twice, your eyes trailing the shadow of his shoes from underneath the door.

You knew he was hyper aware of his decision to walk away from you at the club, leaving you at the back of the building with rain lightly drizzling onto the pavement. It was his energy through the door reading to you that he regretted what he did, but it was his hesitation to put his key into the knob and turn it that riddled you with confusion. He was always straightforward, never prancing around what he was trying to say, but when your feet hit the mat at your front door, you understood.

His sobs were loud through the frame, the lock bolted through the door and wall turning as you pulled the door open. Stood with his face in his hands, Hyunwoo was openly expressing his emotions for the first time without an ounce of embarrassment.

“Hey.” you said softly, stepping out of your apartment to place your hand on his arm.

His fingers pressed over his eyes, the pads of each digit smudging the last of his makeup from his work as he blinked down at you. Misery in his irises, the tears still falling down his face faded into his cheeks. You could feel the cold temperature from outside still held within the fabric of his sweatshirt, a pout on your lips as you tugged him to follow you into your apartment.

“Hyunwoo, why are you doing this?” you asked him slowly, smelling his cologne as he brushed past you into the warm, single-room space.

His body fell down onto the cushions of your sofa, the furniture rocking back against the wall from the full weight of his tired body. Expression weak, exhausted, you had to fight yourself from sitting on his lap, hugging your arms around his neck and telling him everything would be okay like you usually did. Now was entirely different.

The mascara and eyeliner running past his eye sockets gave him the impression that he was ill, his bloodshot eyes and shivering body making you leap to cover him with a blanket. Deplored, he sat his chin into his palm, curved back rising and falling like his chest as he took deep breaths, collecting himself enough to speak.

“I never intended for it to go this way. You know that.” he swallowed harshly, a pain in your chest at his broken voice making you lean back against the cold wall.

“I know.” your shallow voice made him nod, nostrils flaring as another breath seeped into his lungs.

The formation of your relationship had bounced for twenty-four hours straight. Both of you were going in the same direction before venturing off separate ways, managing to collide with one another in a hard, force-filled stop. Hyunwoo was masking his work over the situation, something you noticed when he mentioned that he had gone in for an early practice. The claim had caught you off guard, his reason behind leaving you before you woke now translucent, he wanted to clear his own head. You wanted to pretend that everything that he expressed didn’t mean as much to you as it did, but the way his voice would echo in your mind, calm you at your worst, meant that the latch between you and Hyunwoo wasn’t meant to be undone so simply.

“But I love you -” he began. “- too much to just walk away from you as I did.”

“So tell me why you did, then.”

His eyes went dark, fingers running through the thick locks of his hair. He was wavering, attempting to bring the reason for his actions to a head, but he still wore a hard shell from the topic.

“I meant what I said earlier, about how my occupation shouldn’t involve me having a partner. Especially not one that means so much to me.” he clenched his teeth, closing his eyes. In a mental battle you weren’t aware of, he had spiked his own emotions as more tears threatened to breach his ducts.

“I understand that, though, Hyunwoo.”

“No.” his voice rose suddenly, slipping the blanket off his lower body to rise from the couch and stand before you. “I just-” he hissed. “I know you do, but it’s the other factors involved that makes me consider so much before us having a relationship.”

“Like what?” you yelled. His claims were becoming upsetting, especially since he wasn’t telling them to you. His feelings were so wildly intense that he had to hold it over your head, the tall form of the man in front of you becoming intimidating.

“I see the way you look at me. How you react when I come home, here. The way you hesitate to hug me because I smell like someone else.” His words made you falter, face falling and eyes drifting from his face to the floor. “I notice.”

The tears broke free a second time, running down his face and past the dried makeup until they reached his jawline, dripping onto his shirt.

“It makes you so uncomfortable. I know it does, even if you tell me it doesn’t. I know my job makes you uncomfortable. Most of it.”

He had taken in account every pout or alternating eye contact you expressed, the pained look on his face almost the exact same one you would send towards him when he would arrive at your apartment early in the morning to spend time with you, relaxing before the sun rose. He knew your mind was always racing, trying to push the words to the tip of your tongue for you to say what he said now, but your own tears falling from your eyes in real time burrowed any dismay he could possibly feel towards you.

“It’s not me dancing at the club that makes you upset. It’s me going home with strangers.” His lips parted to exhale the sentence, brown eyes glowing in the faint moonlight. “I’m not unlovable. I just want one type of love. One that includes you, but I can’t ask for you to be by my side if you are bothered by the things I’ve done trying to fill the hole in my heart.”

“Then let me be the last one to ever fill it, Hyunwoo.”


End file.
